REFUGE OF MISFITS

just a few words

2008-07-15T22:16:10Z

WAS ES IST

es ist Unsinn
sagt die Vernunft
es ist was es ist
sagt die Liebe

es ist Unglück
sagt die Berechnung
es ist nichts als Schmerz
sagt die Angst
es ist aussichtslos
sagt die Einsicht
es ist was es ist
sagt die Liebe

es ist lächerlich
sagt der Stolz
es ist leichtsinnig
sagt die Vorsicht
es ist unmöglich
sagt die Erfahrung
es ist was es ist
sagt die Liebe

erich fried

barbie, johnny cash and superman all in one post

2008-07-15T19:51:10Z

it was my birthday yesterday, and i got a freaking DSLR camera. it's a Canon EOS 400D, one of the coolest things available at the moment. okay, it's not the best thing out there, but it's the best thing available for such a low price (canon is giving cashbacks at the moment). i didn't really have the time so far to try everything my baby offers, but she's a pleasure to work with. okay, and that sounded a lot more ambiguous than i meant it...

i had a great birthday party on friday, the students from bradley (who are part of an exchange program and in town for two weeks) came and joined us, and one of the professors even bought me a drink. a good friend of mine gave me a johnny cash cd, and it has ghost riders in the sky on it. we used to sing that song when i was with the scouts, only in german, and i never knew cash sang a version of it. i also got flowers, a barbie mug, a superman mug (eta), and a bunch of condoms (why is it that people always give me condoms for my birthdays?).

and i also managed to pass that feared martial arts exam of mine. they're usually not that difficult, but they require you to be right there in your body, and that's not always an easy thing in this world, where everybody is so much focused on on the head.

right, that's it with the philosophical thoughts for today.

"we got a skin on skin thing baby"

2008-04-12T19:19:59Z

because peter and i are totally and completely OUT OF OUR FUCKING MINDS, we bought tickets to the queens of the stone age and eagles of death metal concert in berlin. it's on, like tuesday or something, and we're going there by plane tuesday evening and head back wednesday morning as not to miss any classes.

and i still can't believe we fucking did it! but peter was all, hey, queens and eagles are playing fusion, in berlin, so close (as opposed to the us or so), blah, i'd go if i could - and i said, why don't we? okay, so it's expensive, but if i lay off drinking and don't go to the movies every week, i'll have the money in by june (which is when the gig will be). furthermore, i'll only be here for a couple more months, and then i won't be going to any concerts or anything with you people here for at least a year, so i figure i'll put as much crazyness into the time i've got left.

just so that you don't think i've completely lost my mind: doesn't this sound responsible? i'm taking a first aid for children course, because i guess if i'm gonna be living with a family for a year, it can only be useful. so i had eight hours of first aid classes today, and i've got to admit that i really forgot most of the stuff that i really should have known (e.g. in case of a car accident). i also learned a lot about child-specific first aid, and i'm so glad nothing's ever happend to the kids i babysit, because i'd probably have done a lot of things wrong. eight more hours to go next saturday.

so, today wasn't a total waste.

anonymous versus scientology

2008-02-02T19:06:34Z

first, this happened. then, project chanology happened. related information: here and here (journalfen); here, here, here and here (wikipedia); here (youtube). these links mostly represents the critics' side. i'm not linking to scientology pages, you can go find them yourselves (presuming they're up again).

knowledge is free.

we are anonymous.
we are legion.
we do not forgive.
we do not forget.

which, yeah, i get. i'm really looking forward to see how this plays out. it's gonna be interesting.

"got lost in the fire"

2008-01-23T18:03:18Z

heath ledger died yesterday, they're still not sure why or how. he was an actor and played in some very good movies, like monster's ball, a knight's tale (which is one of my faves), the four feathers, brockeback mountain and i'm not there (not out yet but i bet it's gonna be great).

chuck palahniuk says: We all die. The goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create something that will.

sounds true to me.

"yeah well we both know that you don't play fair"

2008-01-02T15:12:31Z

i hope all of you people out there had great holidays, no matter how you celebrated them.

mine were interesting. i spent the 23rd sick and cooking with my mom, the 24th sick and decorating with my bro, and the 25th sick and celebrating with the extended family. there were lots of good food around, tons of snow, happy people - what more can you wish for?

then, i put myself to bed for two days and tried to get on my feet again, because i knew work would be calling soon. it took me and my colleagues two whole days of the workaholic kind (meaning: 8 am to 10 pm) to rewire the whole network and power cabling in two offices. i have never spent so much time on my knees and on a damn cold floor on my back, and i don't intend to do it again any time soon, because i tell you, IT HURTS.

anyways. bro, friends and me went snowboarding on sunday and had great conditions (perfect snow, fairly good weather). although i promised myself not to take any risks, i couldn't resist the funpark and jumped for a bit. also, i couldn't resist going the (forbidden) backcounty downhill slope. nothing happened, which i'm still not sure is a good thing, because it might encourage me to push myself a bit more next time... but we had so much fun!

i greeted the new year partying at a friend's place and did nothing at all yesterday.

so, these were my very exciting last ten or so days. looking forward to hear about yours!

i don't think i deserve to work in my job

2007-12-10T22:35:17Z

somehow this is gonna sound very pathetic for somebody who claims to be an IT-expert (or at least on the way to being one), but this just took me an hour (which for my kind of patience is FAR TOO LONG). SO:

i'm really proud of myself, right now. i managed to install thunderbird and link all of my mail accounts on hotmail to it. as we all know, certain applications of microsoft simply suck (like hotmail, e.g.) so it was a great challenge.

but i did it and all of my emails survived, so i guess that counts for something.

i am a happy, happy girl right now

2007-12-09T23:44:01Z

i have one word for you. FIREFLY. seriously, guys, i fell in love in no more than five minutes. i mean, hello? zoe washburn. yes. and alan whatsisface (he'll always be the guy from knight's tale, though). and i dunno her name in the show, but i think i'm gettin a major crush on jewel staite (she's on sga, too).

and i love, love, love the music. so much. because it's so not your typical spaceship-we're all gonna die-drama-score but aaah, like johnny cash! with scifi! SCIFI COUNTRY!

i thought i knew all good scifi shows out there. I WAS WRONG. i'm terrified by the fact that it's only one season. what am i gonna do if it stays this good and i get to the end of it? i'll cry, that's for sure...

déja vu, anyone?

2007-11-14T17:25:42Z

so, after JKR outed dumbledore for whatever reason (one that we common folks just won't understand, ever; publicity? the deep need to support gays? to state the importance of tolerance? to seem cool and hip? whatever…), i decided to put this bit of conversation up here. thought you might think it's funny.

anyways, this happened a long time ago when i was feeling down and muse was trying her best to cheer me up.

colourful_muse: don't wallow! think about pink giraffes with green stripes!
billie_cameron: WHAT?

muse: and purple penguins
muse: i'm just trying to distract you
billie: for the record:
billie: harry is completely crazy now
muse: and blue polka-dotted cats
billie: :D
muse: hasn't she always been?
muse: see? you're laughing
billie: very much so
billie: it's just that everything i do makes me think of...
billie: well...
billie: THAT
muse: DON'T think of that!
muse: wait... think of... dumbledore in a speedo riding on the giant squid
muse: did i damage your brain?
billie: aetl hklj
billie: ldesrkjkajdähä
billie: aldfkhöaösfh
billie: deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed
billie: :D
muse: dumbledore in a speedo, with a cowboy hat and a lasso on the giant squid
muse: yes, i have a strange brain
muse: it is very independent.
billie: HEH
muse: especially since cowboys are usually associated with bbm in my brain...
muse: aaaah!
muse: now i scared myself!
billie: noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
muse: see?

and i really feel the need to quote myself: but NO. well, i guess the world's gonna have to wait a long time for queer wizards and superheroes.
who'da known?

five questions thingie

2007-09-16T20:18:13Z

to quote colourful_muse, bandwagon, jumping, you know the deal... so here i am, jumping as well.

1. Leave me a comment saying something random, like the lyrics from your current favorite song, or your favorite kind of sandwich. Something random. Whatever you like.
2. I'll respond by asking you five questions so I can get to know you better.
3. Update your journal with the answers to the questions.
4. Include this explanation in the post and offer to ask other people questions.

these are the questions colourful_muse gave me:

1. your favourite scene from a film or fav. sketch and your favourite actor from monty python (yes. it seems to be a conspiracy indeed).
2. five favourite foods.
3. three characters from books you would like to meet and why.
4. if you could be a character in a movie or tv show, who would you be? why? (don't care whether it's a guy or a girl)
5. three things that really annoy you.

1. your favourite scene from a film or fav. sketch and your favourite actor from monty python (yes. it seems to be a conspiracy indeed).
that's easy:

as to whom i like best: all of them. it just wouldn't work out otherwise.

2. five favourite foods.
breakfast. i know, i know, that doesn't usually count as a food, rather as a meal, but hey, this is me we're talking about. if i don't get a proper breakfast - believe me, you don't even wanna know me, because i simply DO NOT FUNCTION. AT ALL. when i say proper breakfast food, i mean stuff like cereals with milk, or yoghurt and fruit, or bread with some sweet spread (like jam, or honey, or PB), or pancakes. just - it has to be sweet. and reasonably healthy.

i love fresh, buttered pasta (preferably penne, and they have to be al dente) with my own special kind of tomato-mozzarella-basil-sauce with lots of pepper and chili in it, and sometimes corn.

homemade choc chip cookies, almond muffins and cinnamon rolls, which taste three times as great when you know how much work they are.

i really, really like pizza with corn and pineapple on it. throw in coke or beer and a good movie and there's the perfect meal for a couch-potato evening (or lazy sunday).

barbecued anything (meat, veggies, i don't care) with good bread, good salad, good drinks and, not prepared as food of course, good friends.

3. three characters from books you would like to meet and why.
ronja from astrid lingren's ronja rövardotter, because she's my childhood hero and probably the literary character with the most influence on who i am today. also, one of the greatest characters ever written, i think, but these questions are about what i think, aren't they?

t cooper, who appers in her own book as a character. why? because she's a great writer and she actually put herself and eminem in one of her books - lipshtz six, btw. and she did this unique thing of writing a family/history novel and at the same time rewriting it. which is a really cool thing to do.

rachel morgan from kim harrison's for a few dollars more (the hollows series), because she is a witch, lives in the underworld in a house with her kind-of-girlfriend, a vampire, and a pixy, and there are demons and werewolves and the whole book is just made of awesome. and she should tell me how to get to that place where she came from.

4. if you could be a character in a movie or tv show, who would you be? why? (don't care whether it's a guy or a girl)
that depends. if your question is more along the lines 'who can i identify with', then it's starbuck. of course. what else. because she's got the cool, and she flies vipers, and most of all because she's a kickass (and i really don't know whether other people see that as a good character trait - mostly, in my experience, they don't, and being kickass has given me a lot of trouble so far). yeah.

but if i could just choose the 'who do i want to be', then... then... i... would be john sheppard. BECAUSE HE FLIES PUDDLEJUMPERS. there it is. my confession. and also because he lives in a really cool city that does all kinds of cool stuff. of course, i would be john sheppard in his female form. joan sheppard or something. no way i'd give up on the tits (my own tits, that is).

5. three things that really annoy you.
uh. that's kind of hard to say, as i'm generally quite patient and easy-going... but let's see. i'm sure i'll find something. here we go:

ingorance. i think people nowadays just don't care enough or they don't at all anymore. we look away and pretend nothing has happened, when the only thing we should do is stand up and shout out and try to change something. that's difficult, i know, but you know, we have to at least try, dammit.

people who can't make up their minds. hell. thinking about stuff is okay, i mean, i know it's not a great idea to only follow your gut feeling, BUT: sooner or later they have to settle for and answer or mode to deal with it, and once they've done that, i'd like people to stick to what they said.

me. i annoy myself. on a constant basis, like, every day at least twice. i do such stupid things, i make so many mistakes, i miss a lot of chances, i have a bunch of idiotic dreams and hopes that won't ever get true - that annoys me. but in my book, life's about trying again and again to get it right, so it's not completely hopeless.

stupid machines

2007-08-13T11:27:48Z

wanted to write something in the last ten minutes left of my internet-café-hour, but stupid computer deleted it twice. but as i always say, machines are only as stupid as the human doing the input - does that make me stupid? so, nothing for today, i gotta go. all of you have a nice summer.

sweden, here we go

2007-07-17T16:33:50Z

SO.

i'm off to scandinavia. have to leave in twenty minutes. I have absolutely no idea when i'll have time and possibility to post again, but it shouldn't be that long. if you're interested in what the hell is going on with me, have a look at north_latitude, that's my travel blog.

stuff like potter discussion will still be taking place here, and i'm sure there'll be a lot of it. also, prison break. sad thing is i have only seen four eps (not even the first four), so i have very little to contribute.

however. i hope you all have a nice summer and that i'll see you well in fall.

is peter right? i guess she is...

2007-07-13T00:22:43Z

just saw that it's friday the thirteenth today, which is always kinda cool, cause i'm not really superstitious. hell, i've lived in apartment number 13 for most of my life and i'm still around. though maybe not as completely as i could be. whatever... wikipedia says the fear of friday 13th is called paraskavedekatriaphobia. i didn't even know a word like that existed.

i was hiking last weekend, and it was great. i chose two quite challenging tours, one for each saturday and sunday, got the worst sunburn of my life and got back home safely and well. i promise to post the pics some time in the near future - just, right now, i'm to freaking lazy to do it.

am witnessing my slow but sure slide into addiction to prison break. that's one hell of a show. or maybe it's just that peter's right, something strange is happening with our world and causing people to look for environments with higher-than-average testosterone levels. who knows?

anyway, i feel this inexplicable need to watch all of that stuff right now. NOW.

sleep deprivation is a good thing. seriously. not.

2007-07-05T21:31:47Z

oh yeah, i love my life. i am finally, finally finished with all my stuff for uni. i am so fucking glad it's over. this is freaking heaven.

i had one to hand in on monday and three parties to go to on the weeked before, so i kind of might have written a whole paper of ten pages and 4 k words in 24 very sleepless hours. of course, it all existed in my head and i had read up on all sorts of things i needed to know, but still, what a shitload of work!

didn't sleep from tuesday to wednesday, cause i actually had to work in my job, as well. was surprised as hell i could still stand upright on wednesday. i even managed to go have lunch with mnlj and the other kids and stop by at tribal table (stop by as in: stay til half past two and them walk home with peter). so, not much sleep last night either, went to bed at four and got up at six to finish the last paper, which fortunately existed to a somewhat larger extent than just in my mind.

i handed the thing in and BAM, this term was done with. SO DONE. now i will sleep.

it was my bro's birthday on the fourth but he was gone, so we'll have bday breakfast tomorrow. just put the cake in the oven, have to wait til it's ready and then sleep. glorious, perfect seven or eight hours of undisturbed SLEEP.

just because i can

2007-07-01T12:31:02Z

i can say (or rather, write) this, so i do.

because others can't.

---

Homophobia is wrong.

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person whose genitals were deemed ambiguous when I was born. The gender assigned to me has never felt right, but I wonder if the parts of me they cut away would have.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transgendered.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn't have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

---

yesterday, vienna went rainbow once again. as always, it was a blur of people, colour, music, fun and dance. about 120.000 people were there, which is even more than last year. i loved that you were able to see how diversified the LGBT community really is, that we proved again that being lgbt-whatever is only a very small part of our lives.

there were people in colourful costumes, in drag, half-naked and body-painted, in everyday clothes, in leather, in kilts and whatnot. there were lesbian women, bisexuals, gay men, straight people, trans(vestites)(genders), kids, couples, singles, three- and however-many-somes, old and young people - everything.

it makes me proud to belong to this bunch.

at 4, the trucks stood still for a minute's silence in memory of all those who were victims to homophobic hate crimes or died from AIDS. it was mind-blowing.

at night, tho, when i walked home alone (to be able to do that is in and itself a privilege), i started to think about everything pride means. it makes me realize every time how unbelieveably lucky i am - we are - that we don't have to hide, that we don't have to be afraid, that we can be whatever we are.

this is to those who aren't free. YET.

and to my family and friends, who are the best thing in this world that could ever have happened to me.

nova rock

2007-06-21T19:47:25Z

last weekend (06/15 - 06/17) i went to one of the largest music festivals in austria. it was loud, messy, hot - which translates into: just like any good festival should be. most of the bands (a lot of which i haven't seen on stage before) were absolutely fucking GREAT. the whole weekend was. seeing i went there with some of my best friends, it could only turn out that way, no matter what.

i saw a lot of bands, namely:

FLOGGING MOLLY
30 sec to mars
iamx
chimaira
SLAYER
less than jake
incubus
machine head
LINKIN PARK
sarah bettens
children of bodom
BILLY TALENT
within temptation
marilyn manson
MANDO DIAO
the killers
SMASHING PUMPKINS
johnossi
me first and the gimme gimmes
ILL NINO
the hives
mastodon
reel big fish

a lot as in, like, twenty. i think that's about it. of course i didn't see all of every show, but i managed to stay at least half an hour for each band, which meant running aroud like crazy. i think i liked FLOGGING MOLLY, billy talent, Slayer, sarah bettens and Linkin Park the best, tho i can't really say that, cause the whole weekend was SO great. and once again, i start repeating myself.

the one and only drawback: i dislocated my shoulder, or rather, the guy who fell onto me did. he was crowdsurfing, then there were no people to pass him on and he fell down and onto me. he didn't even apologize, which made me yell at him for like five minutes (even tho he wasn't there anymore). i decided billy talent were more important than the pain and stayed until the end, then went to see the paramedics, who sent me off to hospital. at least the paramedic who drove there with me was really nice; we talked about wing tsun. cool, isn't it?

so, this was my incredibly interesting and apparently exciting weekend, and i'd do it all over again, even the shoulder thing.

bad day, or maybe not so much, but still

2007-04-19T22:50:34Z

I had root treatment today. Dentist said I'm probably going to be in pain for a couple of days. Yeah. I'm not used to tooth ache (I've never had any until a couple of weeks ago), so I'm pretty much ded here. Can't even sleep.

So I did this music thing colourful_muse posted last week or so. Here we go:

b – bulletproof cupid, placebo

doesn't have lyrics

i – i'm gonna be your god, slayer

I'm all jacked up
I want you here
In my room I want you dear

And now it's time to bury my face
Between your legs
With my tongue in that special place

Now I'm gonna be your God
Now I'm gonna be your God
I'm gonna be your God

l – let me in, beatsteaks

everytime we talk it through
it doesn't get us anywhere
everytime we talk, we lose
we're getting nowhere

think about all that you feel
think about all that you give
think about all that we get

so let me in
we'll sort it out
so let me in
I know your doubt
but let me in
don't leave me out
so let me in

everytime we look at things
it never seems to measure up
everytime we tore it down
we lost so much

think about all that I feel
think about all that I give
think about all that we get

l – lithium, nirvana

I'm so lonely. And that's ok.
I shaved my head. And I'm not sad. And just maybe.
I'm to blame for all I've heard. And I'm not sure.
I'm so excited. I can't wait to meet you there.
And I don't care. I'm so horny. But that's ok. My will is good.

I like it.
I'm not gonna crack.
I miss you.
I'm not gonna crack.
I love you.
I'm not gonna crack.
I kill you.
I'm not gonna crack.

i – i want it all, queen

I'm a man with a one track mind
So much to do in one life time (people do you hear me)
Not a man for compromise and 'where's and 'why's and living lies
So I'm living it all (yes I'm living it all)
And I'm giving it all (and I'm giving it all)

It ain't much I'm asking if you want the truth
Here's to the future, hear the cry of youth
(hear the cry hear the cry of youth)

I want it all, I want it all
I want it all and I want it now

e – eight of nine, the ataris

when half of all your prayers are insincere,
the other half are lies.
here is this watermark under this bridge.
the point where it all crested,
rolled back and drifted into the sea.
i climb from this wreckage
as the smoke begins to clear from my lungs.
the closest of close calls has happened tonight.

it's time that i made things right
for the first time,
since the last time.
let this moment of clarity
lift this curse that has been cast upon me.

appreciate the good times,
but don't take the worst for granted.
'cause you only get so many second chances

c – cry, james blunt

I have seen fear. I have seen faith.
Seen the look of anger on your face.
And if you want to talk about what will be,
Come and sit with me, and cry on my shoulder,
I'm a friend.
And if you want to talk about it anymore,
Lie here on the floor and cry on my shoulder,
I'm a friend.

a – anyone listening, pennywise

far below beneath a burning hot sun,
our civility's waking up,
hate your neighbor cause he's not your kind,
fell out of favor, now he's out of luck,
get in your car, fuel up and get a job,
you got no worries, you don't care that much,
pass the beggars as they lie out on the street,
just look away and roll your windows up,
you don't have to worry, he's not one of us

yeah,
is there anyone listening to this beautiful tragedy,
is there anyone watching this wonderful nightmare,
don't care much, you'd rather kill

check out Johnny as he plays out in the street,
keeps to himself, he doesn't say too much,
can't get along with the kids in school,
likes to make bombs and blow things up,
his mom and dad think everything's fine,
they got no worries, they don't care that much,
all that tension bottled up inside, one day soon now he's gonna erupt,
you don't have to worry, he's not one of us

yeah,
is there anyone listening to this beautiful tragedy,
is there anyone watching this wonderful nightmare,
don't care much, you'd rather kill

(and I settled it, it was close as one inch and I saw everything,
all men is good and all men is evil, hope to forget the chime,
I laid back for generous efforts, good will and bold evil to lurch back in time,
then can reality settle it all forever now, I saw the rebellion challenge it,
it was something wrong and then I marched towards the authority
and I say it never exists in here)

is there anyone listening to this beautiful tragedy,
is there anyone watching this wonderful nightmare,
is there anyone listening to this beautiful tragedy,
is there anyone watching this wonderful nightmare,
don't care much, you'd rather kill

m – make a move, lostprophets

cause every day we're getting older
and every day we all get colder
we're sick of waiting for our answers (answers echo)

wake up, wake up, wake up,
yeah so tired of waiting, waiting for us to
wake up, wake up, wake up,
yeah so sick of waiting, for us to make a move

wake up, wake up, wake up,
and we will never lose
wake up, wake up, wake up,
it's time to make a move

e – ego brain, system of a down

Life is but a dream,
Drifting on a stream, a stream,
Consciously it seems,
All of what remains,
Ego brain,
Man made shame,
Shame, love after it rains,
You see my pain is real,
Watch my world dissolve,
And pretend that none of us see the fall,
As I turn to sand,
You took me by the hand,
And declared, that love prevails over all.
I am just a man,
Fighting other men,
For land, for land,
While I turn to sand,
In spite of the pain,
Ego brain,
Man made shame,
Shame, love after it rains,
You see my pain is real,
Watch my world dissolve,
And pretend that none of us see the Fall
As I turn to sand,
You took me by the hand,
And declared that love prevails over all.
All of what remains,
Ego brain,
Man made shame,
Shame, love after it rains,
You see my pain is real,
Watch my world dissolve,
And pretend that none of us see the fall,
As I turn to sand,
You took me by the hand,
And declared that love prevails over all.

r – riders on the storm, the doors

o – on the radio, regina spektor

this is how it works
you're young until you're not
you love until you don't
you try until you can't
you laugh until you cry
you cry until you laugh
and everyone must breathe
until their dying breath

no, this is how it works
you peer inside yourself
you take the things you like
and try to love the things you took
and then you take that love you made
and stick it into some
someone else's heart
pumping someone else's blood
and walking arm in arm
you hope it don't get harmed
but even if it does
you'll just do it all again

n – nothing at all, rob dougan

Let the whole world fall away
And fall into my arms
Stay with me
I don't know how long we've got left
And so I'm asking you
To forgive me
I learn as I go
To float far away
Into silence
And just watch your face
And find some kind of grace
In that quiet bliss

YES, YES, YES !!!

2007-03-30T18:43:51Z

People, I'm off for FOUR FUCKING DAYS of FLYING. I can't believe it.

And OH MY GOD, I'm going to get my OWN FUCKING WING. My own wing, now how does that sound? Still can't believe it.

There's going to be a naming ceremony at TT this Wednesday. Can believe it even less.

I know I'm crazy, but I just can't give a shit. See, I fly. I love it, and it's my life. I know how it is to give things up to get to the skies, to sacrifice things that are just that tiny little bit less important (but hurt all the same). I still love it, and it's still my life, and all I ever wanted to be.

I'll never give this up.

fell in love with my brain once again

2007-03-26T08:11:59Z

I love my brain. Seriously.

Last Tuesday, I should have handed in the summary of a Grice essay, but I didn't. I excused myself by saying I had 'only' read it two times or so and still was not able to understand any part of it. (Okay, well, maybe some small parts.) Prof said it was okay as long as I gave it to him until Monday.

Which is today. So, anyway, I'm quite a lazy person sometimes, so I started working on the thing on Saturday (TWO days ago). I summarized what I understood and then sat there staring at the text and waiting for it to make sense. I gave up at one p.m. yesterday... today? Today.

I got up at seven and sat down at the com. And suddenly, I had an epiphany, as in, REALLY. I didn't do anything, but the stupid essay suddely made sense to me, and it wasn't even that stupid anymore.

So, I have no idea what happened, but in any case, THANK YOU, brain. You saved me once again.

the first post ever

2007-03-02T14:16:45Z

That's so cool. colourful_muse has just friended my shiny new journal, though I don't know if she knows who I am. She'll find out before long, I guess.

Well, anyway, I'm not alone anymore, my flist is not empty anymore and muse has given me a reason to write my first (public) entry in my shiny new journal.